BBC News "module" from phpNuke

HI all,

Just wondering if anyone would like to try their hand at porting the code below from phpNuke to Joomla 1.5?
I used to have this "block" on my old Nuke website and want to add it to my Joomla site as either a 'snippet" dropped into a custom mod or create a distinct mod for it.
Here 'tis:

"<?php>
$file = fopen( "http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/low.html", "rb" );
// If php 5 installed
// $rf = stream_get_contents($file);
$rf = '';
while (!feof($file)) {
$rf .= fread($file, 8192);
}

$grab = eregi( "<a name=\"startcontent\"></a>(.*)OTHER TOP STORIES", $rf, $printing );

$printing[ 1 ] = str_replace( "<a href=\"", "<A target=_blank HREF=\"http://news.bbc.co.uk", $printing[ 1 ] );
$printing[ 1 ] = str_replace( "<hr>", "", $printing[ 1 ] );

fclose( $file );
$content = $printing[ 1 ]."<p align=\"center\"><a href=\"http://news.bbc.co.uk\" target=\"_blank\"><img border=\"0\" src=\"images/blocks/bbcnews.gif\"></a></p>";
?> "